May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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