In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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