I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
