i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
