I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
