yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
