but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
