you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
two words: eviction party
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
