I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
