If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
