my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
