So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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