the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
