Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
