the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Tornado booty call.. dedication
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
