For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
