What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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