Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
