She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
