My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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