I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
