Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Couch. On fire.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
