I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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