I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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