he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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