Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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