I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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