I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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