I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
