no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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