she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
