Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's no shave November. This is our time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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