he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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