i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
