I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
