if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
