shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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