Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
