You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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