Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
