Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
