I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
