if you like me you must not know who I am
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
