her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
