I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
