How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
