I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
