I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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