I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
