New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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