This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
