I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
